[Mangle:]
There, right there.
Look at that tan, well tinted skin
Look at the killer shape he’s in
Look at that slightly stubbly chin
Oh please, he’s gay, totally gay
[Bonnie:]
I’m not about to celebrate.
Every trait could indicate.
The totally straight expatriate.
This guy’s not gay, I say, not gay.
[Mangle & Bonnie:]
That is the elephant in the room.
Well, is it relevant to assume.
That a man who wears perfume.
Is automatically medically fay?
[Jeremy:]
But look at his quoft and crispy locks.
[Bonnie:]
Look at his silk translucent socks.
[Jeremy:]
There’s the eternal paradox.
Look, what we’re seeing.
[Bonnie:]
What are we seeing?
[Jeremy:]
Is he gay?
[Bonnie:]
Of course, he’s gay!
[Jeremy:]
Or European?
[Everyone:]
Gay or European?
It’s hard to guarantee.
Is he gay or European?
[Mike:]
Well, hey don’t look at me.
[Toy Bonnie & Chica:]
You see, they bring their boys up.
Different in those charming foreign ports.
They play peculiar sports.
[Everyone:]
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks.
They will say things like, “Ciao, bella.”
While they kiss you on both cheeks.
[Toy Chica]
Oh please.
[Everyone:]
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray!
[Foxy:]
Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.
[Everyone:]
Is he gay or European?
[Mangle:]
Look right there!
Look at that condescending smirk!
Seen it on every guy at work!
That is a metro-hetro jerk!
That guy’s not gay, I say no way!
[Everyone:]
That is the elephant in the room
Well, is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume
Is automatically, radically, ironically, chronically
Certainly, certainly, genetically, medically gay?
Officially gay, officially gay, gay, gay, gay.
Dammit, gay or European?
[Phone Guy:]
So stylish and relaxed.
[Everyone:]
Is he gay or European?
[Vincent:]
I think his chest is waxed.
[Toy Chica & Toy Bonnie:]
But they bring their boys up different.
There it’s culturally diverse.
It’s not a fashion curse.
[Everyone:]
If he wears a kilt or bears a purse
Gay or just exotic?
[Chica:]
I still can’t crack the code.
Yet, his accent is hypnotic.
But his shoes are pointy toed.
[Everyone:]
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray!
[Springtrap & Golden Freddy]
But if he turns out straight.
We’re free at eight on Saturday.
[Everyone:]
Is he gay or European?
Gay or European?
Gay or Euro?
[Fritz]
Wait a minute!
Give Kevin a chance to crack this guy.
He has an idea he’d like to try.
[Phone Guy:]
The floor is yours.
[Kevin:]
So, Mr. Toy Freddy
This alleged affair with Ms. Toy Chica.
Has been going on for?
[Toy Freddy:]
Two years.
[Kevin:]
And your first name again is?
[Toy Freddy:]
Freddy.
[Kevin:]
And your boyfriend’s name is?
[Toy Freddy:]
Freddy Fazbear.
gasp
[Toy Freddy:]
I’m sorry! I misunderstood!
You said boyfriend!
I thought you said best friend! Freddy Fazbear is my best friend!
[Freddy:]
You bastard!
TICK
You lying bastard!
TICK
That’s it! I’m not covering for you, anymore!
People, I have a big announcement!
This guy is gay and European!
[Everyone:]
Whoa
[Freddy:]
And neither is his place.
You’ve got to stop your being a completely closet case.
It’s me, not her he’s seeing.
No matter what he says.
I swear, he never ever, ever swing the other way.
You are so gay, you big parfait.
You flaming boy in cabaret.
[Toy Freddy:]
I’m straight.
[Freddy:]
You were not yesterday.
So if I may, I’m proud to say.
He’s gay.
[Everyone:]
And European.
[Freddy:]
He’s gay.
[Everyone:]
And European.
He’s gay and European and gay.
[Toy Freddy:]
Fine! OK! I’m gay!
[Everyone & Freddy:]
Hooray!
random chatter
[Freddy & Toy Freddy:]
Fine! OK! We’re gay!